


To Be or Not to Be

by soraxtsuna123



Series: The Outsiders Requests [12]
Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Child Abuse, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cruelty, Darry is cruel, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Good brother Soda, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Ponyboy Curtis, Manipulation, One Shot, Physical Abuse, Ponyboy Curtis Needs a Hug, Protectiveness, Soda is really protective, The gang is really protective of Ponyboy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28991304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soraxtsuna123/pseuds/soraxtsuna123
Summary: Darry becomes fed up by Ponyboy and hits him, calling him a burden. After that, Ponyboy becomes different. He becomes quieter, more obedient, and scared of the gang. They don't see what's wrong until it happens again.
Series: The Outsiders Requests [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821424
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	To Be or Not to Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Selkiesong22](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Selkiesong22).



> Request by Selkiesong22.
> 
> Requests not accepted on this platform.

"Darry, can I go see a movie?" Ponyboy asked one evening. He was already slipping on his shoes, assuming that Darry was going to agree to his request. However, that wasn't so. Although simple this question seemingly was, it was anything but that.

"Hold on," Darry said, walking over to him. His body towered over Ponyboy's frame and his pointed, icy stare bore into him like daggers. "You can't go until you finish with all of your chores."

A groan left Pony's mouth. "But I really need to go _now_ , or else I'll miss the movie." Please let him go, Ponyboy begged, hopping in his spot impatiently. All of his favorite seats were going to be taken at this point. "I promise that I'll do it later."

"No, _now_. Don't make me say it twice."

"But today's the last day that the movie is going to show!" Ponyboy put his hands together as if he were about to pray. " _Please_ , Darry. I'll do it when I get home in a few hours."

Darry paused, and for a fleeting moment, Ponyboy thought that he was going to let him go. However, he had never been so wrong. "Well, that's too bad. You should have done the chores earlier then."

It shouldn't have bothered him too much. Sure, it sucked that he wasn't going to be allowed to go, but he had a terrible day already. This predicament added onto his preexisting, hair-ripping frustration. Nothing went right for him that day. At school, someone stuck gum in his hair so he had to spend an hour to remove it. During track practice, he not only fell after jumping over a hurdle, but his clothes were stolen from his locker—both gym and regular clothes. Ponyboy had to walk in the open dripping wet from his shower and a towel wrapped around his waist. Eventually, he found his clothes in the garbage, soaking up whatever thrown-away lunch was inside. Pony gagged upon peeling them from the contents. He ended up having to wear the soiled clothes until he had the chance to get fresh ones. On his way home, some guys that he recognized from school tailed him most of the way. He had to take a longer route, prolonging the time he had to wear his stinky clothes. And when he arrived home, he had been stuck at his desk, completing homework until his head started to pound. The movie was the only highlight of his day and if he couldn't watch it, he was going to go nuts.

But what topped it off was that Darry was also having a bad day. Ponyboy could just tell from his stiff movements and his ferocious mumbling ever since he returned from his early shift.

"I _need_ to see that movie. I'll even do extra chores later to make up for it. Just let me go out," Ponyboy desperately pleaded.

"You don't need to see the movie. You should automatically do the chores. I shouldn't have to tell you to do them!" Darry bellowed, glowering. His shoulders started to rise to his ears as he dug his fingers into his armchair that he had been sitting in just minutes before. "You live in this house. I already have to take care of you. I feed you. I shelter you. I do everything for you. Why do you always have to act like a little brat? Sometimes, I can't stand you."

A brat? Was that what he thought? It wasn't the first time that he was called that by someone, but, for some reason, it made his stomach sink a bit this time. Ponyboy tucked in his bottom lip. Maybe it was because it was coming from someone he respected. "Soda doesn't think so."

Darry shot him a pointed look. "He does think so. Everybody in the gang does too. They only put up with you because they have to."

If his stomach sank when Darry called him a brat, it sure was plummeting down a cliff now. He felt a pang in his chest. It wasn't true, Ponyboy knew that. But he couldn't help but wonder if it was. He swallowed the lump in his throat, stuffing his hands in his pockets to hide their shakiness. "You liar! I don't believe you!"

"Do you think that they like a little, whiny twerp begging to go with them everywhere? Do you think that they enjoy babysitting you?"

Ponyboy clamped his mouth and gritted his teeth. Tears sheened his eyes, giving him another reason to leave the house. You just don't cry in front of Darry. He had to get out of there. "I'm gonna go see that movie."

Ponyboy swung open the door, almost poking a hole into the wall with how much force was in the movement. The crisp, fall breeze washed over him, combing through his hair. It was sprinkling out, not that Ponyboy minded. He loved this type of weather. However, he didn't have the chance to enjoy it before Darry growled out, "If you take one step out that door, I am going to drag you back inside by the ear. And trust me, you won't like what happens after that."

He would be lying if he said that Darry's words didn't send a wave of fear over him. His legs felt like noodles, almost cementing him on his spot. But, he couldn't back down. He didn't want to lose to Darry.

Testing the threat, Ponyboy extended his leg, but as soon as his foot planted itself on the porch, a hand roughly yanked him backward. A yelp left his mouth as he almost fell down on his butt. He would have if Darry wasn't holding onto him so tightly.

"What the hell did I just tell you?" Darry screamed, spit flying from his mouth. The hand on his arm was tight, so much so that it felt like his arm was going to snap right off. It was going to leave a bruise, for sure.

"Let go of me," Ponyboy whimpered, trying to pull his arm free. The hold only got tighter, causing him to grimace. It hurt like a bitch. A salty taste invaded his mouth and it soon became clear that he was crying. He struggled more. "Let me go, dammit. You're hurting me."

"Oh, _I'm_ hurting you? Stop being so whiney!"

"Please, Darry!"

It all happened so fast after that. One moment, Darry was holding his arm, and the next thing he knew, his body was shoved out the door. Ponyboy's eyes widened, feeling weightless for what seemed like an eternity. Time slowed down, his stomach flopping around. As soon as his body slammed into the porch steps, time sped back up. His head banged against the edge of one of the steps, causing his vision to darken for a second. Pain erupted all over as his body twisted in unnatural ways. A cry left his mouth, he was sure of it. However, the ringing in his ears drowned it all out.

"You… can't… hate…" Darry was screaming at him, but Ponyboy could only make out a few words.

Ponyboy felt numb all of a sudden, but he wasn't sure if it was from his body shutting down on him or the betrayal. Maybe it was both. One thought was booming in his head. Darry had hurt him… No one had ever hurt him like that before. Not even his parents. Their family was against it. He hurt him. He hurt him. He hurt him. He hurt him.

"Listen!" Darry yelled as the ringing faded away.

Ponyboy strained his neck to look at Darry, hoping to see some sort of regret in his eyes. But there was nothing. There was only an icy coldness.

"You know, you're such a burden to me. All you do is complain and demand for everything to go your way. It's always about you," Darry spat, lifting him up by the shirt. Ponyboy screamed at the sudden movement. His head felt wet and warm. It didn't occur to him that he was bleeding until then. "You're a burden to us all."

Darry dragged him to his room, throwing him inside. He shot him one final glare before slamming the door shut, raddling the entire house. In an instant, Ponyboy was consumed with the darkness of the room and it was then that he finally broke down in tears.

He struggled to sit up, covering his hands over his eyes which only got bloody from the cut. His body hurt, but that wasn't the source of most of his pain. His heart took the brunt of it.

He bawled and bawled, eyes becoming so puffy that it felt weird to blink. His face was red, but it wasn't just from the blood. He probably looked ridiculous.

_A crybaby._

Was what Darry said true? Did he and everyone from the gang think that he was a burden? Did they only put up with him because they had to?

_You're annoying._

The more that he thought about it, the more he realized that it was true. The gang never tried to hang out with him on their own accord. Soda asked him to go to some places with him, but he was his brother. Thus, he had to. Johnny never asked him. He always had to do it himself. And Johnny was fine with them not spending time together. So was Soda and everybody else. Whenever he was with the gang, it was apparent that they were taking care of him. They even scolded him when he did something uncalled for.

_Grow up._

Darry obviously didn't like him. He said so himself. Soda acted like he cared about him, but now he knew better. Steve had always thought that he was an annoying, tagalong kid. Two-Bit was basically his babysitter, lightly slapping the back of his head whenever he spoke out of turn. Dally didn't like anyone, except for Johnny. And Johnny didn't like how whiny he was. His life was already bad enough. He didn't want to have to deal with more problems. He thought that they were all friends—brother's even—but he was so wrong. He had nobody.

_Nobody will ever love you unless you change yourself._

Loneliness was painful. It was as if ice had casted over his chest, making his heart feel cold. His shadows crept in on him, making him hollow on the inside—the type of emptiness that made his heart jump to his throat, blocking him from saying or screaming anything.

_Why can't you be good?_

It hurt. It hurt so goddamn much. He clutched at his shirt, wheezing.

_Why can't you be different?_

Maybe he should be different. But it was hard. How could he just change himself? If he did that, what was the point of him? But maybe that was the point.

_There's no point in you._

_They hate you._

Ponyboy curled himself in a ball. They hated him. They all wanted to hurt him and put him in his place. What did he do to deserve this?

"Shut the hell up!" he heard Darry scream and Ponyboy clamped his mouth shut, muffling his whimpers. Couldn't he do anything right? Ponyboy continued to cry, making sure that he couldn't be heard. It was difficult and it hurt him even more, but it was necessary. After all, he was just a burden to them. He was alone but he deserved it. He needed to get that concept through his thick skull.

* * *

* * *

Soda knew that something was wrong the moment that he stepped inside the house. The amount of tension almost pushed him right out. It was deathly quiet besides the clacks of kitchenware. It was eerie in a way. Soda entered the kitchen, seeing Darry washing dishes with veins protruding out of his forehead. His lips were pressed into a fine line, turning them white.

"Is everything alright?" Soda asked, eyebrow knitting together with concern. He had seen Darry angry loads of times, but never this much. Something serious must have happened.

"No, everything's not alright," Darry snapped, slamming the current kitchenware down on the counter. The sound was like a gunshot.

"What happened?"

"Ponyboy happened."

Soda didn't know if he understood the situation or was now even more confused. His brothers had a hard time getting along. They argued at least once every week. It was to the point that Soda started to despise spending time in the house. It was so stressful to have to mediate their arguments. But this was different. Ponyboy must have done or said something very terrible for Darry to be this way. "What did he do?"

But Darry didn't answer the question. Instead, he ran his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. He was exhausted. Dark lines curved under his eyes, early-wrinkles becoming even more prominent. He looked older and dulled down. Soda had only seen him like this after he had a long, hard shift at his job.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I somehow raise him wrong?" Darry wondered.

"No, of course not," Soda quickly reassured without missing a beat. Even though Darry hadn't technically raised Ponyboy for very long, he did play a huge part in him growing up. So, he understood where he was coming from because he too had a very similar role. Although, Darry took all the responsibilities onto his shoulders with him being the eldest. "He's still growing up. He doesn't know better. You're doing the best that you could."

"I just want him to be the best person that he can be."

"I'm going to talk to him, okay?" Soda wasn't going to respond to what Darry had just said, knowing how flawed it was. He felt bad for Ponyboy in that way. His expectations, he means.

Soda walked over to his shared bedroom, opening the door. It was dark inside and the bed was empty. If he hadn't heard the quiet sniffles, he would have thought that nobody was there. He peered inside, flipping on the lights. Ponyboy was huddled in the corner of the room with red eyes and a small gash in his head. Luckily, the cut wasn't very bad and probably didn't need any stitches. He still needed to look at it later though.

"Hey, I heard you fought with Darry," Soda started, approaching Ponyboy slowly. He spoke as lightly as he could, like a soft melody. However, as he moved closer, Ponyboy visibly tensed up, curling in on himself like an armadillo. He was protecting himself, Soda noted in confusion. He didn't know why his younger brother was trying to protect himself from him. He slowed down as if approaching a wounded animal. In a way, he was. Soda knelt down in front of him, heart wrenching at how much pain was in Pony's eyes. He went to hug him but stopped when he flinched. Soda furrowed his brows. "What happened? You've never acted this way before."

"It's nothing," Ponyboy sniffled.

_You're just a burden. He only came here because he had to._

"You're bleeding and crying. It's not nothing," Soda argued. He thought back to the flinch. It was almost like he was scared that Soda would hurt him, which was ridiculous. He would never do that. Nor would he purposefully do something to hurt his trust in him. "I won't do anything to betray you, you know that."

That's what Ponyboy thought about Darry, but that only stabbed him in the back in the end. But Soda was different than Darry. He wasn't nearly as intimidating. Compared to Darry, who was a glacier, Soda was like a gentle river. He was sure that Soda wouldn't hurt him, but that didn't mean that he liked him either.

"Do you only put up with me because you have to?" Ponyboy asked after a long silence.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. Soda blinked, not expecting him to say that.

Ponyboy pursed his lips. "Darry… Darry said that you and the gang were annoyed with me… He said I was a burden to everyone, and you guys only tolerated me."

If Soda didn't know he was awake, he would have thought that he was having a bad dream. His heart stopped when he heard what Ponyboy said, not wanting to believe it. But he had to. Here Ponyboy was, crying his eyes out. Soda narrowed his eyes, a seriousness shrouded over them. "He said that?!"

The tone was harsh, causing Ponyboy to flinch. "I don't blame him. I know that I'm a lot to deal with."

"Don't say that," Soda said. "It's not true. He shouldn't have said that to you."

_Lies. Lies. Lies. He had to say that._

"You're just saying that because you have to," Ponyboy stammered, petting his knees with his sweaty palms.

Soda shook his head. "I'm saying that because it's true."

But Ponyboy refused to believe him. Afterall, Darry had lied all this time. Why couldn't Soda be the same? But there was one thing that Ponyboy was sure of: Soda didn't want to hurt him. He relaxed considerably in the corner at that realization.

"Ponyboy…" Soda started, shifting his eyes to the gash on his brother's forehead. He licked his sleeve and pressed it against the wound. Ponyboy pretended that it didn't hurt, although, with his eye twitch, it wasn't very convincing. "What happened? How'd you get hurt?"

He contemplated telling Soda the full truth—how Darry had shoved him—but he didn't want to seem even more of a burden than what he already was. He couldn't be babied anymore. Besides, Soda wouldn't believe him anyway.

"I just fell, is all," Ponyboy managed to spit out. His throat was tight, making speaking hard. He didn't know if it was from crying or not, though. "You don't have to worry about me."

"You can tell me anything," Soda pressed.

But he couldn't. If he told him everything, Soda would definitely abandon him for being too annoying. But, one look in Soda's eyes coaxed him to speak about it. Soda just had that effect on him. It was just going to be this one thing, Ponyboy declared to himself. After this, he was going to learn how to keep to himself better. "Darry… He went ballistic. He pushed me off the porch and I banged my head on the step."

Soda went silent, only the sharp intake of his breath resonating inside the room. It was just getting worse and worse the more that he listened to Ponyboy. It was hard to imagine Darry laying a finger on him. They weren't that type of family—not like Johnny Cade's family. But that would explain so much and how Ponyboy flinched away from him.

"I'm…" Soda swallowed the lump in his throat. His fingers curled tightly, turning his knuckles white. His emotions were all over the place—confusion, hurt, but, most of all, rage. How could Darry do such a thing? And then he tried to play the victim! It had to be stopped. He couldn't let Darry get away with it. He shot up to his feet, growling. He didn't notice the small whimper that left Ponyboy's mouth. Soda was scary when he was angry. "I'm going to talk to him. You just wait right here, Ponyboy."

Golly, Soda was angry. He had never been this angry before. His face was blood red, a contrast to his shaking knuckles. His vision became like a tunnel as he stormed out of the bedroom, ignoring Ponyboy's cries for him to stop. His feet stomped to the kitchen, where Darry was finishing up the dishes. As soon as he saw him, he saw red.

"Did you talk to him?" Darry asked both smoothly and coldly. That only made Soda angrier.

"I did! He told me everything you did," Soda barked, fingernails digging into his palms. "You hurt him!"

Darry's eyes narrowed. "He deserved more. He needs to learn, Soda."

"I understand that, and he probably went out of line, but that doesn't mean you can say that stuff to him or push him like that. You could have sent him to the hospital."

"If that's what it takes."

This had to be a bad dream. Darry couldn't have been this… this… Well, words could not describe him. Soda wanted to pull his hair out. It already felt like it was turning gray. "Are you even listening to yourself? You can't do that to him!"

"I can and I will," Darry spat. "You don't understand—"

"No, you don't understand!" Soda screamed. "What you did was wrong. If you want him to learn, be reasonable, and just talk to him."

"I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't listening to me."

"Because for one person to listen, the other person needs to listen as well." Soda was proud of that quote. He didn't know where it came from. If he was in a different situation, he would have patted himself on the shoulder. "There are other ways to teach him a lesson. Have you seen him? He's traumatized and bleeding like a stuck pig. How could you do that to him? What is wrong with you? What happened to the Darry that I know?"

Darry glared at him. "It's still me but I stopped restraining myself."

It was like talking to a wall. Soda got face to face with Darry. "Don't you dare touch another hair on his head."

"Yeah, whatever," Darry said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm being serious, Darry. You can't do that."

Darry's jaw was tight. Soda knew that the message didn't get across but arguing wasn't going to get anywhere. Darry was in a mood. He would have to wait until he was calmer to speak to him again. He wanted to end it right then and there, but Darry was even stubborner than Ponyboy, although he wouldn't admit that out loud.

"Don't do it," Soda demanded. "I'm going back to Ponyboy."

* * *

* * *

Ponyboy was different after that day; quieter, too. Even though he was a quiet person in general, it was never to _this_ extent. The gang noticed it too. How could they not? There were no longer any arguments between him and Darry, which they had to admit, they loved. They never liked being there when an argument broke out. Besides quieter, Ponyboy was more compliant. He did what he was told without a fuss. It was great so they didn't ask questions. But they also noticed something else. Ponyboy was _afraid_. They didn't know why though. But with all of the flinches, it seemed like he was scared of them… for whatever reason… The only people that he was comfortable with was Soda and Johnny.

But Ponyboy wasn't the only person that was different. The gang could hardly stand the awkwardness that came from how high the tensions were inside the house. There was a wall that separated the three brothers. Soda was colder towards Darry, never being able to be in the same room as him. He stuck closer to Ponyboy, keeping a close eye on him whenever he could. He constantly jammed himself between his brothers, keeping them separated as best as he could. That was what Steve hated the most. Soda was giving Ponyboy even more of his time. It was frustrating.

Darry, on the other hand, was sterner. He was always barking orders at Ponyboy, correcting him every chance he got. It seemed like he was always trying to pick a fight and rile his youngest brother up. He was hoping for something, but they didn't know what it was.

Ducking into the living room one day, Ponyboy didn't expect to come nearly knocking into Two-Bit's chest. He had to backpedal a few steps to not run into him or be too close.

"Oh, hey, Ponyboy," Two-Bit greeted with a large smile plastered onto his face. He reached forward to ruffle his greased back hair, but Ponyboy flinched away before he could do so. Confusion passed by Two-Bit's face as he pulled back.

"Hi," Ponyboy replied with a shaky voice. He squeezed his eyes shut. Two-Bit wouldn't hurt him… but he could… and that was what scared Ponyboy. "Sorry, I'm in your way."

"You don't have to say that to me." He opened his mouth again, but before he could utter another word, Ponyboy plopped down next to Johnny, which was quickly followed by Darry's loud voice.

"Get over here," Darry ordered him, ignoring the warning look Soda shot him. In a split second, Ponyboy stiffly shot up to his feet. He stuffed his hands inside of his pockets to hide how clammy they got. He shuffled over, dragging his feet across the stained carpet which seemed to transform into quicksand. It drowned him, making it near impossible to move. He almost wished that he would drown in quicksand. "I need you to do the dishes, got that?"

Ponyboy nodded, keeping his mouth clamped closed. If there was one thing that he learned, it was to keep his mouth shut good.

"And after that, take out the garbage," Darry continued, waiting for him to react. However, Ponyboy only nodded again. There was a glassy look over his eyes. "Then clean everything in the bathroom and do your homework."

Another nod.

"Give the kid a break," Dally said, raising an eyebrow at the list of tasks.

"Yeah, you're overworking him," Two-Bit agreed, watching as Ponyboy started to work without a word.

"They're simple tasks. If he focuses, he'll be done within the day," Darry said, sitting down on at the table and successfully discontinuing the conversation.

While Ponyboy worked, Soda and Johnny kept their worried eyes on him. They kept their mouth shut, but it was clear to the gang that they wanted to speak up. It got to the point where Steve had enough. He spun towards Soda, swallowing the spit that had gathered inside his mouth.

"We should go and do something," Steve suggested, lightly kicking Soda in the foot to get his attention. Soda's eyes brightened and, for a moment, he thought that he was successful. He smirked.

"That sounds like fun!" Soda chirped before turning back to Ponyboy. "Pony, do you want to come?"

Normally, Ponyboy would have agreed. As long as Soda asked, he came along. Steve hated it. He shot Ponyboy a mean, warning glare. Ponyboy tensed up, eyes widening when he saw it. For a second, Steve thought he saw fear. He raised an eyebrow at that. Something had to be up. The younger boy rapidly shook his head.

"No thanks," Ponyboy declined, forcing a thin smile onto his face. Soda only pouted, sinking back on the sofa.

"Make sure you clean the counters afterward," Darry brought up, adding to the list of chores. Ponyboy nodded.

It was weird, Steve mused. It was almost as if Ponyboy was scared of going against Darry or anyone in that matter. Testing this theory, he said, "Grab me a slice of cake."

Usually, Ponyboy would tell him to get it himself, but, this time, he just nodded. He hastily got him a slice as if he didn't want to upset him for taking too long. His hands shook as he handed him the plate. It was small but very noticeable. Something was definitely wrong for him to be this way, but Steve wasn't complaining. He liked this new Ponyboy.

* * *

* * *

Days had passed by just like that. Darry continued to load Ponyboy with tasks, who did them without any arguments. He wasn't even reluctant. Only sometimes would he hesitate, but panic and fear quickly replaced that. He did the tasks as if it was his job; like he was a servant in the house. The gang (minus Johnny and Soda) got used to it, even adding onto the tasks from time to time. Steve especially did that. He took full advantage of this, making him do ridiculous things that didn't really make any sense. It was embarrassing for Ponyboy, but he would rather be made fun of than be hit. Besides, they were happy, and Darry was right. He was a burden, and this proved it. They were the happiest when he wasn't annoying. So, he continued even though it pained him and caused him to cry at night—silently though to not wake anybody up. It hurt but his happiness wasn't a priority.

However, the concerning behavior didn't win over Johnny. Ponyboy's compliance and silence made it difficult to be around him. Nobody spoke about it so he thought that it would have passed within time, but it only got worse. It got to the point, where he finally asked Soda about it, seeing how he was the only other person that was concerned.

"Do you know what's wrong with Ponyboy?" he asked when the two of them were playing cards together on the coffee table. The other gang members were playing as well, staring at him after he asked the question. Soda instantly stiffened, alerting all of them that there was a problem.

"Darry…" Soda started, hesitating. He chewed his inner cheeks. "Darry… hurt him."

The game instantly stopped as all attention turned to Soda in shock. Johnny's eyes were blown wide, subconsciously pressing his thumbs into the bruises on his arms. Darry was hurting Ponyboy? It didn't sound right. The Curtis house was supposed to be a safe place; one free of abuse.

"He did what?" Two-Bit croaked out, eyes shifting to Ponyboy who was doing the dishes again. "Is that why he has the gash in his forehead?"

Soda numbly nodded, swallowing thickly. "He hurt him and told him that we couldn't stand him. He said that we thought he was a burden… That's why he's been quiet lately and doing everything you tell him. He's scared—"

"He's scared that we'll hit him," Steve finished. Soda nodded again. Man, did that make Steve feel bad. He had been taking advantage of him without realizing what he was doing to him. He didn't like Ponyboy, but he cared about him. It was a total contradictory, but he was like an annoying little brother that kept bothering him.

"Shit, man. I didn't know," Dally said coolly. Although, there was an underlying anger that radiated off of him like intense heat waves. Under the coffee table, his hands curled into fists.

"Why didn't he tell us?" Johnny asked to himself. He wasn't the type of person to hate people, but, at that moment, he hated Darry. He hated the abuse he received at his home, but he hated people getting hurt even more. "We need to do something."

But that was when something happened. A loud slap resonated throughout the house, washing everybody in a wave of cold silence.

"What the fuck?" Dally cursed, shooting up to his feet. The gang all rushed to the kitchen where Ponyboy was cradling his reddening cheek with tears in his eyes.

"I thought you learned better!" Darry bellowed, unaware that the gang was there.

"I'm sorry," Ponyboy shakily cried. His knees were wobbling, threatening to collapse.

"Saying sorry won't help!" Darry shot his hand over to grab Ponyboy, but Dally stepped forward, shoving him away.

"Get away from him, man!" he hissed, stepping in front of Ponyboy defensively. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"He needs to learn."

"He didn't do anything wrong!"

"You don't know that. You weren't here."

"You're the one who needs to learn," Johnny shot back, stepping up for his best friend.

"Yeah, you're the one in the wrong here," Steve added.

"I'm not," Darry growled. "You all need to understand that."

"Don't you see that if everybody here thinks that what you did was bad, that you're wrong?" Johnny asked, appalled by this side of Darry that he was witnessing. The older male hesitated, but it was something.

"Look at him, Darry," Soda said, pointing to Ponyboy who was trembling like a leaf. "Look at him with your eyes. Can't you see him? You hurt him… He's not himself anymore."

Darry stared at Ponyboy, seeing the scared look on his red face. He had caused that. His stomached turned uneasily. It was his fault. The brother that he had grown up with, the one whose head was always in the clouds, was terrified of him. Darry stripped him of who he was to reign over him. His brother who had the most individuality of them all was left in shambles… because of him… because he wanted his way.

"How could you take away his happiness for your own selfish cause?" Johnny asked. Darry opened his mouth but was cut off by Two-Bit.

"Don't you dare say that he needs to learn," he snapped. His brain which had been fogged up by alcohol was clearer than it had ever been before. "That's not a good enough argument. So why don't you just leave him alone?"

Darry hesitated, "But—"

"Get out of here!" Dally screamed, causing all of them to flinch. "Leave the kid alone!"

"It's not your house! You can't tell me to leave!"

"Leave, Darry. Please, just go for a while," Soda begged.

There was a pregnant pause. Darry's eyes shifted apologetically to Ponyboy, but it wasn't being accepted. He gulped, shifting on his feet. Ponyboy didn't want to be around him and neither did the gang. He didn't blame them. This was all his fault, after all. He nodded, knowing that him being there was only going to make things worse. His feet dragged him out the door as he closed the door behind him.

Once the door was closed, Ponyboy sank to the ground, sobbing in loud gulps. Soda instantly went to him, wrapping him in a tight hug.

"He's not going to hurt you no more," he soothed, rocking him back and forth like he did whenever he had nightmares.

"I deserved it though," he whimpered so quietly that the gang almost missed it.

"Kid, nobody deserves that. Especially not you," Steve said, sitting on the floor next to him.

"Why do you care?" The question came out a lot rougher than what he intended. "You're almost as bad as him."

He was talking about him taking advantage of him. Steve looked at a lone ant on the floor, watching it pick up a crumb. "I didn't know better. I shouldn't have done it. I regret what I did. I'm sorry, kid."

The apology shocked Ponyboy. He didn't get to hear it often. Steve even went out of his way to protect him in the end. He licked his lips to gather the salty tears on his tongue. "It's okay… you didn't know what was going on…"

"You're going to be just fine, you hear?" Soda said. "Nothing he said to you was true."

"He's right. You're not annoying to us. We actually enjoy your company. Even Stevie here," Two-Bit added.

"We all care about you," Johnny said. "Don't listen to Darry."

"But you all seemed so happy…"

"We were confused and worried… not happy."

"But—"

Soda grabbed Ponyboy's face, forcing him to look at him. "You're not a burden, okay? Listen to us when we say that. You were perfect the way you were before."

Reluctantly, Ponyboy finally nodded. He didn't believe it, not at first at least. It got better over time. It wasn't the same and everybody had to adjust to that. Darry and Ponyboy were hardly in the same room anymore. There were no more arguments and it took months for Ponyboy to break out of the habit of doing whatever people told him to do without question and to regain his confidence. It took even longer for him to not fear the gang. Sometimes, however, he would have violent nightmares of them hurting him, which would bring him back to square one. But it was a process and the gang was going to do whatever it took to help Ponyboy be him again, one step at a time.


End file.
